Really, the noises, the obscenities, the ranting and raving coming from the man-cave are not [...]]]> Pay no attention to that man in the dark little room at the end of the house. He’s just doing what he finds necessary to keep his sanity. He is, to borrow a phrase from the late Douglas Adams, mostly harmless.

Really, the noises, the obscenities, the ranting and raving coming from the man-cave are not any cause for concern. I’m having what I call a BARF Storm. Instead of bottling up all of my anger and frustration inside, I let it spew out of me and after a few minutes, I’m fine. It’s kind of like primal scream therapy but not as intense.

BARF is an acronym meaning Bitterness, Anger, Resentment & Frustration. I used to have frequent BARF storms while commuting to and from the stress and frustration filled environment that was my last full-time job. Not all the BARF was work-related, some of it came from other sources. I’ve been calmer in recent months but, occasionally, there is still the need to let it all out. These days my most common source of frustration is technology, followed closely by traffic. Pressure builds up and has to be released. There are far worse ways to release it.

For what it’s worth…

Here it is, the penultimate day of the penultimate year [...]]]> I do believe that 2009 may very well be destined to go down in history as the year that sucked donkey. In many ways, it was worse than the Hell of 2002 although that was primarily an internal ordeal whereas this year just sucked in general.

Here it is, the penultimate day of the penultimate year of the first decade of the twenty-first century. I can only hope the last year of the decade will be better.

The year didn’t get off to a great start and kind of went downhill from there. January’s big events were getting my penis fixed (again), the accident, and the “layoff.” Well, the last was really a dismissal shrouded in the cloak of a layoff. While the economic reasons may have been valid, I believe the real reasons were bogus. But when we work, we work at the whim of our employer.

Most of the year was spent looking for work and either there’s little or no work for a desktop technician in Dayton or there’s something more sinister going on. I found a short-term position working on a project for a regional healthcare system but after about eight weeks, someone in management decided that their own overworked staff was capable of completing the project without assistance.

It wasn’t all gloom and doom. After rolling my 401k into an IRA, I took some of that money and replaced the engine in the truck which had been sitting in the driveway nearly 10 months. There have been a few additional repairs which haven’t helped the finances. The little SUV we got to replace the van has been running well. Hopefully, it will be a few years before we need to replace either vehicle.

I began teaching myself more about Linux, XHTML, and CSS. In the process I redesigned all of my web sites. I moved one blog from Blogger to my hosted site and another one from my home server (failed upgrade) to the hosted site. Later in the year, I create a new blog on my home server which is working beautifully.

Somehow I managed to help the kids move into a new home, providing more that just my labor and my truck. I’m holding them to their promise to repay me. I desperately need the money.

Sometime in the second half of the year, I noticed some trends regarding my weight, blood pressure, and blood glucose. While my blood pressure and blood glucose levels weren’t bad, they didn’t seem to be under control. I also noticed that my weight had started to climb very gradually. The weight is slowly going down again.

In an effort to improve my health, I tried yoga, first following along with a DVD and a couple of TV shows then tentatively taking a few classes. Once I started taking some beginner’s classes, I started getting hooked, not just on the physical part of it but the mental and spiritual aspects as well. Now I’m going to several classes a week and transitioning to intermediate level classes which are quite challenging. It will get easier. I’m even considering taking Hot Yoga. That should be interesting.

Perhaps my greatest yoga challenge is establishing a home practice. When I do practice at home, it’s not nearly at the same level as a class. I also want to incorporate more meditation and study into my practice.

One thing I noticed shortly after becoming unemployed was that my stress levels had diminished dramatically. There was still stress, but the anger and frustration that had been part of my job was gone. The stress of being unemployed and trying to find work is much more manageable. I’m looking to yoga to help me manage stress and develop focus.

Then there’s the bankruptcy. My unemployment has affected it and soon I’ll have a better idea of how it will work out. I’m looking forward to October when that five-year sentence will be over. Hopefully, we will have learned something from the experience. I know I have but have we?

Hopefully, 2010 won’t suck as much as 2009. Finding employment will be my biggest priority in the new year. Taking care of my health will also be high on my list and yoga practice will play a larger role in that. My goal (once again) is to get my weight down to 12 stone by my birthday and to get my blood pressure and blood glucose under control and maintained at healthy levels.

Then there’s the bankruptcy. My unemployment has affected it and soon I’ll have a better idea of how it will work out. I’m looking forward to October when that five-year sentence will be over. Hopefully, we will have learned something from the experience. I know I have but have we?

I’d like 2010 to be the year that things start coming together. Some positive things have already been set in motion and I’d like to see them gain momentum. There are also a lot of negatives that need to be overcome. The final year of the first decade of the 21st Century will be challenging, there’s no doubt about that. We’ll get through it.

You mean you can talk about your problems with other people? Without having to pay them for an hour of their time? I’ll have to look into this.

I used to be able to takl to my mother [...]]]> Who do you think it is easier to talk about your problems with: your friends, your family, or strangers?

You mean you can talk about your problems with other people? Without having to pay them for an hour of their time? I’ll have to look into this.

I used to be able to takl to my mother about just about anything but she’s gone now. I used to be able to confide in my wife but that intimacy seems to be somewhat lacking now. I don’t know why. My daughter-in-law is a frequent sounding board.

For one thing, I’m probably healthier and more health concious. Ten years ago I was flirting with the Dark Side and I’ve since put that behind me, though not without a few battle scars and some collateral damage.

Back then, I was still immersed [...]]]> How are you a better person today than you were ten years ago?

For one thing, I’m probably healthier and more health concious. Ten years ago I was flirting with the Dark Side and I’ve since put that behind me, though not without a few battle scars and some collateral damage.

Back then, I was still immersed in the culture of secrecy; I’ve made tremendous progress in being open but there are still a few secrets that I’m not ready to bring out into the light. Some of them may never be known though I’m sure they will someday. It may be after I’m gone but I’m sure they’ll be discovered. My life is an open book but some of the pages are either stuck together or missing. I’m still calculating and devious. I’m not always totally honest although sometimes I’m too honest for my own good.

Am I a better person than I was a decade ago? Maybe.

I guess it would be my short stint testing software for Lexis-Nexis. It was the same thing day after day, the same software, the same bugs. It got boring very quickly. I’m not at liberty to discuss the other job in the running. Let’s just aay that stress and [...]]]> What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

I guess it would be my short stint testing software for Lexis-Nexis. It was the same thing day after day, the same software, the same bugs. It got boring very quickly. I’m not at liberty to discuss the other job in the running. Let’s just aay that stress and frustration were invariably part of the daily routine.

The best job I ever had, the one with the most job satisfaction, involved shoveling cow manure.

There are so many times and places I’d like to travel to. To be able to travel back in time to meet and talk to, or at least observe, my ancestors would be a genealogiest’s dream [...]]]> If you could jump in a time machine and travel back to any point in history, where would you go?

There are so many times and places I’d like to travel to. To be able to travel back in time to meet and talk to, or at least observe, my ancestors would be a genealogiest’s dream come true. Plymouth in 1620-21, Watertown in 1630, Pomfret, VT in the late 18th and early 19th century, Sweden, NY in the 1850s. The Dakota Territory in the 1880s, Geauga County, OH any time between 1830 and 1910. Connecticut and Western Massachusetts between 1790 and 1830. 19th century Prussia and Slovakia. Oh, just countless times and places. I could be the genealogical Dr. Who.

I absolutely believe in true love. My parents had it. They were together for 60 years through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death did they part. But true love remains.

I also believe in love at first sight. It happened [...]]]> Do you believe in true love? What about love at first sight?

I absolutely believe in true love. My parents had it. They were together for 60 years through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death did they part. But true love remains.

I also believe in love at first sight. It happened to me although it took me about 10 months to realize it. But she knew from the beginning. We’ll celebrate our 33rd anniversary in a couple of weeks. And they said it couldn’t be done.

“Things are never so bad they can’t possibly get worse.” — Calvin

I hope for the best (optimist) and expect the worst (pessimist), knowing that things will probably fall somewhere in between. Am I a realist? A pragmatist?