Nipple Radiation

Why is American society so damned repressed?

Criminalized Nipples in the News Again from Diary of a Nudist discusses a woman in Lincoln, Nebraska who was apparently convicted of public nudity based on photos posted on the Internet. That sounds like weak circumstantial evidence to me.

What is it about women’s nipples that causes so many to get their panties in a knot? I have yet to hear of any scientific evidence that uncovered female nipples cause any kind of harm or trauma to anyone except perhaps the most repressed and prudish members of our society. Nonetheless, I suspect that our self-appointed conservative protectors aren’t telling us the real truth. They’ve been covering up the real reason breasts are so dangerous — Nipple Radiation.

Nipple Radiation, a very real danger to us all

Warning!
Viewing this picture may be hazardous to your morality.

Nipple radiation is a very curious and, apparently, very dangerous phenomena. It appears to have the following characteristics:

1. Nipple radiation is considered very harmful to humans, especially children who no longer breast feed, although the alleged traumatic effects have never been documented or observed.
2. Nipple radiation is considered to be so dangerous that a mere glance of a mother breastfeeding an infant is believed to cause severe trauma. Thus mothers are sometimes encouraged to breast feed in restrooms or at least cover the infant’s head with a heavy blanket.
3. The effects of nipple radiation predominantly occur within the borders of the United States. It has been known to occur to a lesser degree in other repressed societies around the world.
4. Alcohol intensifies the effects of nipple radiation on males, which is why many states do not allow clubs that serve beer and liquor to have nude dancers. Due to the dangers involved, patrons must be at least 21.
5. Nipple radiation is only transmitted by female homo sapiens who have reached puberty.
6. Nipple radiation is not transmitted by males with the possible exception of transsexuals.
7. There is a suspected link between nipple radiation and the female hormone estrogen although post-menopausal women are still known to be transmitters.
8. Nipple radiation effects humans via direct sight of the nipple.
9. Nipple radiations can also be transmitted through visual media to include broadcast, cable, and satellite television, and the Internet.
10. Nipple Radiation can also be transmitted by photographs, paintings, and sculpture.
11. Nipple radiation can be blocked simply by covering the nipple and areola with semi-transparent material such as a wet T-shirt, sheer nylon, pasties, or lace or any opaque material.
12. Nipple radiation does not appear to affect Europeans. Apparently, they have developed an immunity to its effects.
13. Nudists and naturists seem to have a natural immunity to the effects of nipple radiation although many conservative experts refute this claim and believe social nudity to be a natural disintegration of society with nipple radiation as a root cause.

I’m sure there are other characteristics that have not been discovered yet. Quite obviously, the dangers of nipple radiation are real. Global warming will have to wait until the dangers of nipple radiation are eradicated forever.